General Discussion and Updates

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sun Jun 17, 2018 11:49 pm

Thank you. That eases my mind a little.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:38 pm

And here's a dose of baby:






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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Admin on Fri Jun 22, 2018 2:10 pm

That's adorable, Laura! She's really cute. Dee, do you have any updates?

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sun Jun 24, 2018 1:58 pm

She is absolutely adorable Laura. How is Zoe doing with being a big sister?

Updates .. well I got the horn removed. Dr took a margin outside of it, just to be sure he got it all. It wasn't as bad as the first time. Of course this man is an MD and this is his profession; so his skills were greater than the PA. I went back on Thurs to get the stitches removed. It's healed up nicely. Spiky hair around it is making everything itch even worse than that healing itch. LOL But it's gone and I can hide the patch with my hair combed over it.

He got the lab results back and was surprised at the results. It wasn't a pilar cyst. It was a pilar tumor. He wants more information so he's sending it to another pathology lab to get just that. Whatever it was, he got all of it and a little more. His concern is that it had anchored to my skull and deeper tissue which is why it's not a cyst. He said 99% of them are benign so I shouldn't worry.  SIGH

Ya'll know me well. It's grinding in the pit of my stomach. My mother called because she's worried. I think I eased her fears. She's gone off on the train from NJ to NC for the week to see 2 of her siblings. Smile With them all in or nearing their 70s, it's difficult to travel and see each other. I'm glad she's doing it.

I'm starting to feel more "me". Once this incision fully heals I can finally dye my hair so I don't look 10 yrs older than I am. My mother wears the white hair well. Me, not so much. I'm so pale it just makes my face look rounder.

What's going on in your life James? How are things on the farm? Any new rescues? How's that deer fairing?

Jae are you lurking? How is your foot healing?

Any more baby spam Laura? LOL

April messaged me last night with a video of her belly moving. Ian is very active! She just told me something very strange with her insurance. Her insurance will pay for everything EXCEPT the actual birth. WTF is that shit? And what if she has any complications, God forbid.  
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Admin on Thu Jul 05, 2018 2:04 pm

WTF on the insurance... but figures.'

Happy belated 4th of July everyone in this disaster we call a country.

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Thu Jul 05, 2018 3:34 pm

Right .. April says it could be about 4K as long as there are no complications.

As for the 4th, it's not a celebration for me while we're under this idiots leadership. And I spent the last two days trying to stay altered enough that the fireworks didn't trigger me. Sadly it was one of the worst flashes I've had in a long time. I got hyper vigilant, stayed up until 3 or 4 am, was snappy at everyone and every thing. It doesn't help that Dwaine still thinks it's funny to startle me. He got elbowed hard yesterday when he snuck up on me. He'll learn one way or the other.

The one plus is that the 4th fell in the middle of the week so boomers shut down pretty early last night. I only heard a couple after 11 pm.

Hope you are all doing well during this horrible heat wave. I ordered an ac unit for our bedroom. I just can't take it. Thankful for Paypal credit. yay... more interest charges.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:33 am

The name 'Ian' has always been on my top names for a baby boy.

Dee and James, hope you both are doing well. Things have been hectic here. Baby is doing well. My husband and I however are ending our marriage. Fortunately we were able to reach a quick settlement on all issues.

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sat Jul 14, 2018 12:44 pm

I'm glad all are well but sad to hear your marriage is ending. I'm glad it's been amicable. I hope you both find your happiness.

How's the case going with the Bar? Will you be staying in the house you just had built? How is Zoe adjusting to being a big sister?

I'm glad they chose Ian for his name. He's one very blessed boy to have them as parents. They've both retained their love of comic fandom and attend comic cons around the midwest. Shane does some thrifty buying and then has tables at cons to sell those items. He's making a nice bit of change.

They were supposed to close on their house yesterday but it was postponed (not surprised) due to paperwork from April's job not being in to the underwriter on time. So she'll be even further into her pregnancy (she's due Sept 5) and have to move next weekend after they close. I have no doubt they'll have plenty of hands to help with the large group of friends they have.

Went to the Dr yesterday. I'm getting a new one in the same practice, but an MD this time. In preparation I've asked for aqua therapy again, a dietician and appetite suppressant. I'm ashamed that I've reached 525 lbs. My back is constantly in pain, my legs wobble and hurt and my feet scream at me when I try to walk. So, back on the health rollercoaster. I have to get less lazy and cook more rice based meals. Eating rice is the only way I've been successful in losing weight in any large amounts. Thankfully there are many kinds of rice and I'm a pretty good cook. I told Chromie that he MUST buy more fruits and veggies unless he wants me dead. It really is that simple. If it's not here to eat, I won't eat it. We'll still have nights of fast food, but not every night.

I got to visit with the Great Danes last weekend. My friend Bambi brought Goliath and Karma up from IL to visit with me and instead of staying at my house we had a beautiful day to go to the new dog park for a while where April and Shane (who both love doggos) came to visit. I was a little disappointed with the park, the only place to sit was in direct sunlight. From there we went over to Unruly to sit in their outdoor beer garden.

Unbeknownst to me, my son was there! He has wanted to meet the Danes for a couple of years. He walked out of the door and exclaimed "DOGGOSSSSSS!" and ran down the ramp with his friends trailing after him.

Needless to say, we had a most wonderful visit. It was a Pogo event day so I got to sit downtown and catch pokemon with the people I love most and slobbering doggies. Smile I'm so happy it was a pleasant day and only in direct sunlight was it uncomfortable. I did get another nice sunburn. It was worth it!

We did have a small incident of Chromie not paying attention behind the wheel again. He thought the turn to the road for the dog park was a left turn light. It wasn't. He turned into 3 lanes of revving traffic and I almost got broadsided by a cute little MG and all 3 lanes of traffic behind it. Chromie was thoroughly, and is still being, chastised for his inattentiveness. I wouldn't let my PTSD Panic ruin the day and shook it off to deal with later. No one was hurt, thankfully and I've been more observant to his wandering eye while we're driving - reminding him every time that I don't wish to die from his negligence. And no, I'm not letting up. He's the reason my PTSD is so horrible lately and he needs to be more attentive while driving.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Sun Jul 15, 2018 12:33 am

Hi Dee, glad to hear your daughter is doing well. She is due soon, correct? The final weeks always drag on. Is she taking maternity leave (or have the option). The US sucks with its maternity leave laws.

Glad to hear that you are taking assertive and planned means to addressing your health. Also glad you are getting to see an actual doctor  (I think at my obgyn I saw a nurse practitioner for all but two appointments and not by choice but because it's obviously cheaper and easier to pawn off the patients).

In regards to the Bar complaint, it was dropped. I should have mentioned that. Ten months of hell. I have not fully processed the fact that it was dropped yet.

As for the divorce, it was very sudden and not my choice although now I have come to the conclusion it is for the best despite my musings last year that I should stay for Zoe. Steven is somewhere on the autism spectrum *he should not have gotten vaccinated I guess.* I never knew or concerned myself with aspergers and autism back in the day as my focus was on other neurological conditions.   High functioning autism brings with it a lot of intense baggage that makes relationships one sided I think, to understate things.

I am staying in the house we built with the girls. Steven moved into an apartment until our tenant's lease is up. Then he will take that house.

Zoe is a good big sister so far. I have a great picture of both of them that I will post when at my computer versus cell.

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sun Jul 15, 2018 2:12 am

April is due Sept 5 but I personally doubt she'll make it out of August. That'd make her sad. We have lots of August birthdays. My sister is Aug 2; April is Aug 10; James is Aug 29; my sister's twins are Aug 31. When her Dr takes her out of work (she's an 800 ton press operator at an automotive manufacturer Acemco) she'll be out for 6 weeks, extensions if needed, via FLMA. My SIL will then take his 6 weeks via FMLA so they can avoid child care and he can bond more with Ian. One of them will be changing shifts (they're both on 3rd) so they can further avoid child care. With all of their great friends (and grandma!) I doubt Ian will be without hands wanting to take ahold of him while they work. Smile

I'm so glad the complaint was dropped. I'm pissed they put you through almost a full year of hell though. Was an apology issued or was it just dropped without anything? Is there any recourse for you against those nutjobs? Perhaps it's best left alone though.

My cousin is married to a high functioning man on the spectrum. They have constant struggles. He's working very hard, lately, on communication though. She was ready to up and leave him, he put forth no effort into family. He just worked and expected to be left alone when he returned from 2-4 weeks away. Renae put her foot down. They're in counselling as well as her being more understanding of his limitations. They have 3 boys (one is 19) and the younger two are both special needs with the youngest 9 yrs old. It is a lot of baggage.

I'm glad all was amicable but it still has to be a shock for you.

I'd love to see photos of the girls Smile I'll look forward to them.

James, how are you and the family?

Jae, are you peeking in?
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Sun Jul 15, 2018 5:40 pm

I'm glad they have got child care figured out, and that both parents will get a chance to spend FMLA consecutively--clever. With as much as she has been working, I agree it is possible she will go in August--personally I would rather be a bit early than later.
Attached are a couple photos.

The bar complaint was closed with a very brief letter. They had requested all my trust account records and I think when they realized that I had clearly not profited from nor been involved financially with the issues alleged due to a former employee’s misconduct, they dropped it. It was hellish enough to leave me permanently anxious of something happening again though.

Your cousin's experience sounds rough. I am impressed she has stayed in the relationship. I guess there will never be a clear line between what is the result of his Asperger’s versus personality -- what can be changed versus what is inherent and permanent as a result. It takes a toll after a while though. There were / are so many completely bizarre aspects to his personality that I came to just live with. But in the end, the greatest problem I think is not the quirks, rituals, rigidity which could be coped with even when utterly exasperating, but the complete obliviousness similar to what you described to other's basic emotional needs and moods etc.



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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sun Jul 15, 2018 6:17 pm

Laura, they're precious! I just wanna snuggle them with kisses. Smile I doubt Zoe would allow that though. LOL

I know Renae and Jeff have had their very rough times. Like you, the rigidity of aspergers can be draining from an adult. With a child you can direct them and guide them to healthier responses or make their environment more conducive to their needs. With an adult, that's not so easy. He's highly skilled and just transferred out of the Navy's drone program as a programmer into something closer to home. He's not gone as much now, which makes routine a bit easier on them both.

For April's sake, I really hope she goes in August. I carried through to the end with James. Then again, she's carrying very high still so, I could be wrong. Wink

I'm glad the facts brought the truth to the forefront and you were exonerated. I hope it didn't cost you any clients.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Admin on Sun Jul 15, 2018 11:42 pm

Gosh, those are beautiful girls. You have to feel something good came of everything you put into the last four year.

I don't know too much about aspergers, but when I google aspergers and marriage a barrage of negative websites and blogs show up. I am guessing it does not leave the "neurotypical" very happy.

Divorce sucks. Marriage can suck. At a certain point, you have to make the decision that is best for you and the kids. Getting out, especially if he wants it, may be the happier route in the long run.

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Thu Aug 02, 2018 10:04 pm

Ok ..

Where did you guys go?
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:17 pm

I'm here. I have been in the UK and Ireland for several weeks (spending some alone time with the girls and visiting some family in Ireland). I head back to the states Sunday.

Here are a few pics. I have not managed to get any good snaps of Zoe and Zara together--other than the one with my aunt holding Zara up to the stocks in Belfast.







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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:19 pm

And some more below.Dee, how is everything? How is your daughter? She is due any day now, right?







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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Tue Aug 07, 2018 7:20 pm

Wonderful photos of you and the girls. Fantastic scenery! Just breathtaking cliffs.

We're doing OK. April is due Sept 5. ALTHOUGH the other Grandmother and I feel she'll go the 3rd week of Aug. We had her baby shower this past Sunday. It was fun. She didn't do any of the horribly embarrassing games. She got everything from a new crib to practical diapers, bottles, nopples, etc. I swear Ian won't need any clothing until he's over a year old! I got them some wall art that they wanted. Smile It just shipped from China. I'm hoping it gets here in time!

Ian has finally turned head down but now is residing his ass in her lower right ribs. She's NOT happy. The growly, angry, "get this over with" 8 month expectant mother has reared her head and let us know this can't end soon enough. I giggle because what Ian is doing to her insides is what she did to mine and what I think most do while gestating. Their delays in closing on the house took precious time from her to get the house in shape though. Their friends have shown they're useless to follow through to help them get prepared. They did most of their moving with just 3 people helping. I'm unable to do much of anything. Dwaine has been pretty useless lately. So we were of no help.

She's doing a Studio Ghibli and My Neighbor Totoro theme. They're big fans of various fandoms but those two are her favorite. There are a couple of others but I stuck with those two for the wall art.

How are you doing with all the life changes? It's hard going to single parent from married. Do you have the physical and emotional support you need?
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Fri Aug 10, 2018 2:31 pm

Omg, I remember how completely fed up I was right at the end, and every day felt like torture (actually that was right around the time of that insightful 'conversation' about vaccines).

It is really cool that Ian and Zara will be almost the same age.

I am headed back Sunday after a little over two weeks in the UK and Ireland area. I actually went back to Oxford for the first time in ten years (James, it is much more built up and modernized with so much more than ten years ago).

Heh, transition to single parent has not been that hard because he was gone so much and when around often not very helpful. He's good with Zoe for a few hours or so in a controlled setting and good with anything techie, but that is about it.

In typical asperger fashion, knowing I was overseas, he let the power get shut off to the house with the nanny living there because he cancelled his account (which I had been paying from mine) and forgot to communicate that he was doing it. Fortunately the nanny was able to contact my brother to get it fixed.

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Fri Aug 10, 2018 9:44 pm

OK that last part is just a dick move. He didn't forget. That was a simple dick move to cause you to take notice. I'm glad your nanny was able to handle it. Wow!

April is looking forward to the end, and the end of work. Sadly she only has short term disability and FMLA. She used up a LOT of FMLA from early first trimester complications and has missed a few days due to them moving into their house. THIS WEEK her husband had something strange happen to his toe and he's been off of work. Today was her birthday and they went out to dinner so I'm assuming his toe, that he couldn't drive on last night, was doing better today. I love my son in law. He's a great guy. He's not a guy guy though. When the car goes phlewy, she gets under the hood (he's gotten better at at least TRYING to figure it out - peer shame has it's good side). Stuff didn't get turned on for the house, he panics, she makes phone calls and fixes it. He is very VERY attentive to her every need and loves her and Ian to distraction but he hates his job. He hates working in a factory. He hates standing all shift. Sorry kid. Adulting must happen. No one said you would get a job you liked.

Sorry, been a bad few days of arguing and "talking in my head".

I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip and your ex stops his nonsense. Doing stuff like that can not only impact you but it can cause the girls issues. Not cool. At all.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Admin on Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:23 pm

Exciting that the days are counting down, Dee.

Laura hope you had/are having a good trip. You get around, even with two little kids. How do you handle them in the airport etc/? Jae, I know you are a conscientious objector to the forum, but how are you doing with these fires?

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:11 pm

I'm excited. April is just FED UP.
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Admin on Wed Aug 22, 2018 4:42 pm

What is up everyone? Dee, any news on the baby?

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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Thu Aug 23, 2018 12:59 am

There was a little scare with Ian deciding to stay transverse but today's visit to the sonogram tech got him to turn. April said he appeared very aggravated. I love those 3 d sonograms.

They're saying he's right on track for a Sept 5 birth. But we know babies sometimes have other ideas. Wink My son was due the 28th, I went to the Dr the 27th. Dr said he'd see me in 10 days since there was little dilation, etc. I told him I'd see him that night at the hospital. After 26 hrs of labor he was born the 29th at 1:20 am. Stubborn.

Apie really had a scare from this unfamiliar dr. She saw how c-sections messed up my life and wants to avoid that.

How are you doing ?
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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by laurav on Sat Sep 01, 2018 4:24 pm

Wow, I had the exact same issue with Zara being transverse and then deciding to turn about two weeks before delivery. Any baby yet?

Here is a recent one from a few days ago of Zara.


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Re: General Discussion and Updates

Post by Dee S on Sat Sep 01, 2018 5:25 pm

YES! We have baby! After 3 days of absolute HELL Ian Michael Bower was born August 30 at 1:38 am via emergency c-section. Her waters started leaking while at work on early Monday (she's a 3rd shift worker) but she still worked yet another day rather than go to the Dr. They went early Tuesday morning after each of them finished their shifts. Dr put her in the hospital immediately. They tried EVERYTHING to get him out. Sadly my daughter is like me in many aspects and Ian was just too big to pass through the birth canal.

8 pounds, 12 ounces, 20.5 inches long head 14.17" diameter. The top of his head is still doing the conehead thing but slowly getting back to a normal round shape.

He is PERFECT!

They're supposed to be released tomorrow. There appears to be a small issue with a tiny hole in the bottom valves of his heart. It's a very mild murmur that should resolve itself. Not something that leads to surgeries or major issues. April had a murmur when she was little. It resolved over time.
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